Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away to his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature honeymoon'...
He carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear "Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain never been with a man b'fore."
 "WHAT???" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head...
Billy-Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the door, into his truck.... down the mountain.... straight to his parents house, rushes inside screaming "Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!" .....
His father rushes downstairs and gasps... "Billy-Joe, what'r you doin here?"
 Billy-Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps "Well, Betty-Sue an I was in the' cabin, and she toll' me she ain't never been with a man' afore.... so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back here... quick as I could!"
 His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says "SON, Ya done the right thing.... Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her family, she shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!!"

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A Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City. For an adventure, the father took his son to see a skyscraper. They were amazed by everything they saw -- especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.

The boy asked, "What's that there, Paw?"

The father responded, "Well, Son, I reckon I never did see nothing like this in my entire life. I got no derned idea what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go git your Maw."

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A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house.
He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more--would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit.

One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?" Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa.

The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?" Once again, he growled, "What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?"

The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?" And again was met with a snarl, "What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?

Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. When her husband got home, she said, "Honey, I had the repairmen out today." He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?"

"Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them." "Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?" he asked. She smiled. "What do I look like? Betty Crocker?"

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Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about variousthings. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful.This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock on wood." She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

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One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"

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Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready.
"I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others." he is told by the doorman (say his name is Pete). Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So Pete leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.

"See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!" "Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!" "And here is your second room mate.
His IQ is 150!" "Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"
"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!" "That's Wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!" Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80." Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where to you think interest
rates are headed?"

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It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the Zoo. She's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.

As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the beast goes crazy. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand and his feet, grunting and pounding his chest with his free hand. The gorilla is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, proposes that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall. She does, and the gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs." This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

Suddenly, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the cage door, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the poor shut.

"Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"

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A man walked into a curio shop and began to browse. He was attracted to a brass rat on a shelf behind the counter. He asked the shopkeeper for a price, and was told to make an offer. Presently they agreed on a price, and the brass rat changed hands. The shopkeeper warned the customer as he took the money, "This sale is final. If you leave the shop with the brass rat, I won't take it back under any circumstances." The customer agreed and left with the rat. As he walked home, he noticed that a live rat came scurrying out of an alley and began to follow him. Soon there were more, all following him and milling bout his feet. The man began to run, but the rats kept up, and more joined the procession. After a few minutes, thousands of rats were chasing after the man. The man ran frantically for the river, and threw the brass rat into the water. The live rats followed the brass rat, and soon all had drowned. The man returned to the curio shop, and on seeing him enter, the shopkeeper shouted, "I told you, the sale was final! You cannot return the brass rat!" The customer replied, "That's no problem. I just wondered if you had a brass lawyer in stock".

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  A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the point where the pathways meet. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!" The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"

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A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.
"I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!"
St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case. When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and you're at least 108."

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A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.
The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, "Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts.
The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, "Sliderule, come!" Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie.
The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called "Bullshit, come!" Bullshit entered and was told to do his stuff. Bullshit immediately sodomized the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.

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A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."

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The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:

1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.

2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.

3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won't do.

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 As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money.
At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that." The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

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An attorney passed on and found himself in heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The attorney immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The attorney protested that a three year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the attorney was willing to change venue to Hell. When the attorney asked why appeals could be heard so much sooner in Hell, he was told, "We have all of the judges."

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Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment. The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, "I'm really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations." St. Peter replied, "We have over a hundred Popes here, and we're really very bored with them. We've never had a lawyer."

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An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"

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The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.)but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny,squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man," what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"

The man replied, "I work for the IRS.

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A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

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A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

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These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are." Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.

George says, "I still can`t tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground." So Harry yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?" And the man on the ground yells back "You`re in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air." George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer." And Harry says "How can you tell?"

George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless."

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One Sunday morning Joe burst into the living room and said, "Dad, Mom, I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, Joe's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you.. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

Joe was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We are getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, Joe, I am very sorry about this."

Joe was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I am never going to get married", he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

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A sweet little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"

So, her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees.

He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperm and eggs etc.

He tells her about puberty, menstruation, men and women and love......

He thinks what the hell, and tells her the works, thinking that to tell it all is the only way to tell truth.

The girl is somewhat awe struck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge, and her father finally asks, "So why did you wish to know about sex?"

"Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."

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A father charges into the bathroom and starts yelling at his son "Son! How many times have I told you not to do that? Stop it! If you keep doing that, you'll go blind!"

The son replies: "I'm over here, Dad."

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Theres something about an Older Woman !!!!!!!!!!!

An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.

An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.

An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of herbal tea.

The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets... which is why nature intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men.

An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.

An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.

Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her.

An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know...

Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.

An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you!

Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call...

Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut Take out.

An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas...

Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.

Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease.

Older women know what Kegel exercises are.

An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly boff later.

Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.

Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.

An older woman has lots of girlfriends... and most of them will want to screw you too.

An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.

An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.

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A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes back to find out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy.

The teacher has him go down to the principal's office, to phone his mom, and ask her what he should do about it.

He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room.

Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom," she says.

"I did," he says, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

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A man comes home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Mick's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

"You bonehead!," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"

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A husband, wife and a son walk into an ice-cream shop.

The dad says, "I'll have a chocolate." The wife says, "I'll have a vanilla."

Then the dad slaps his son in the back of the head and says, "What do you want fat head?"

The lady helping them says "Why did you hit him in the back of the head and call him fat head?"

The husband says, "There are three things in life a man wants:

The first thing is a nice big truck. And you see that nice big truck sitting there (outside) that's my nice truck!!!

The second thing in life a man wants is a nice big house. You seen that nice big house on top of the hill on the edge of town? That's my big house!!! The third thing in life a man wants is a nice tight pussy, and I had that until fat head came along!!!"

This is a true story from the Wave  helpline. Needless to say the helpdesk employee was fired, however, she is currently suing the WordPerfect organisation for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:

Today the world was stunned by the news of the death of the ENERGISER BUNNY.  He was 6 years old. Authorities believe the death occurred at approximately 8:40 last evening.  Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and going and going, "Pinky" as he was known to his friends and relatives, was alone at the time of his death.  An emergency autopsy was performed earlier this morning. Chief medical examiner, Dr. D U Racell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over stimulation. Apparently someone had put Mr Bunny’s batteries in backwards and he kept coming and coming and coming and coming.  

Late for a return flight from Dublin, a tourist in Ireland jumped into a taxi.  "Quick" he said, "get me to the airport as fast as you can!"  The cabbie nodded and floored the accelerator.  Soon they were barrelling along at more than 100 kilometres an hour.  Even though a traffic light was red, the taxi raced past it.  "Are you blind?"  shouted the tourist.  "That was a red light!"  The cabbie was unfazed.  "I don't believe in red lights, sir, and nor do any of my five taxi driver brothers."  After hurtling through two more red lights, the tourist was relieved to see a green light.  But right before the intersection, the cabbie slammed on the brakes.  "Are you insane?" yelled the passenger.  "That was a green light!"  "True," replied the cabbie.  "But you never know when one of my brothers will be coming through."

A representative of a fried chicken chain had an audience with the pope and asked if he would change the Lord's Prayer for $5 million, replacing "daily bread" with "daily chicken."  Annoyed, the pope asked the man to leave.  A month later, the offer was increased to $100 million, but again it was denied.  Serveral months passed and the rep made a final offer: $1 billion.  The pope said he'd discuss it with his cardinals.  He told them he had good and bad news.  "The good news is we have a chance to make $1 billion," the pontiff said.  "The bad news is we may lose the Wonder Bread account."

      

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